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(no subject)

Dec. 17th, 2014 | 06:38 pm

Submitted for the Proposal Analyst position today.

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Writer's Block: The name game

Feb. 2nd, 2011 | 07:46 pm

What's the origin of your username? If you could change it to anything else, would you, and what would it be?

I've had this name for... ten years now? I had one for about six months before it, but I don't remember what it was. This one though came along in December 2000 which lost me my Early Adopter status since I had signed up in June 2000. So since high school...

And I find the name still works for me. And that's the more depressing aspect of it.

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(no subject)

Dec. 17th, 2010 | 11:10 pm

Anyone else getting spammed on public posts?

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To an older gentleman posting a comment on a news article...

Dec. 8th, 2010 | 06:17 pm

(I posted this a while ago, but I found it again recently by signing in to an old account. This is to all who think my generation sucks balls.)

My father has called me naive before because apparently, as a 27-year-old college graduate with an excellent job with a military contractor, I am unable to read across bias and make my own decisions.

Please do not refer to us as stupid simply because we do not agree with your stance on anything. While I do not agree with the issue of mandatory health care, I am all for a public option outside of Blue Cross/Blue Shield. I look forward to the immigration debate heating up (though I'm a firm believer that immigration is not the issue; non-reporting employers and that whole federal mandate about having to educate anyone to approach a public school are really cramping our style in managing legal status in this country).

I tire of being called socialist, communist, and fascist all at once. Your generation lived through all three of those scares; surely you can tell the vast political differences in them. My generation is certainly not against capitalism. I don't like seeing almost a quarter of my paycheck gone to taxes. But hey, I'm supporting your social security and Medicare that will not be available when I reach retirement (hence my retirement account and private savings account now).

Try going after issues and not me or my generation. Go after welfare - it's not the illegal immigrants eating our welfare. Go after public education - it's the No Child Left Behind Act killing our good teachers. Go after fair taxes - I don't want to pay for everyone else either. Go after this confusing war if you think we're accomplishing anything. Go after gay marriage if you think it's going to ruin this country (because divorce isn't common amongst straights or anything).

Oh, and might I point out that your generation is who raised my generation?

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Dec. 4th, 2010 | 05:30 pm

Leah texted me with some immature BS her man is pulling on her; namely staying curled up tightly on his side of the bed and refusing to touch her because he's mad at her. The best thing he's said to her - "If you think about it, you'll know." She honestly has no idea what she did.

Great role reversal.

Mark did the same thing to me when we were together. He would also rebuff me when I moved to touch him. And then about once a month he would do something sweet like hug me and just hold me. (Swear to you, it was once a month.)

I look back and it's like, how did I let that relationship continue? When he stops hugging me or kissing me goodbye (or hello for that matter), when he stops sitting near me when we're watching a movie, when he doesn't respond to my texts or text me in three days or more...

I watched last night's ep of Supernatural and Castiel pinned Meg against the wall and kissed her. Highly amusing moment if you know the show at all ("I learned that from the pizza man;" BEST LINE EVER). But I started thinking - Mark did that to me when we first started dating and he knew how quickly that got me going. He knew how much I liked it when he was dominating me.

And then he stopped. Clue, Sherlock!

I love that he was angry at me when I broke up with him THREE months later. Three months of me initiating all contact (communication and otherwise) and him rebuffing a good number of my efforts.

I don't understand the game. Is this how it's played now? Like, are you supposed to test how badly someone wants you by ignoring them? What happened to wanting to hang out with someone, to see someone, to talk to someone? What happened to dating? What happened to a guy asking a girl on a date to dinner and a movie, a quick kiss on the cheek to signal yes, I want a second date? What happened to date first, sex later? Why is it that now it's not considered a relationship unless you've already hooked up?

I don't get it.

I'm at war with myself. Obviously, I want a man to push me up against a wall and kiss me. But... I would prefer that be after a couple of dates or he asks me on a date before it goes beyond the kiss. Too bad we can never get what we want.

I know what I want to do and what I should do. I'll do what I should do because I'm too chicken to do what I want to do. Yay?

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(no subject)

Oct. 2nd, 2010 | 10:46 am

I'm patiently waiting for this current obsession to go away. These things I fall into are weird... be it a band, a movie, an actor, whatever catches my attention at that time and doesn't let go. Thank God they only last a couple of weeks or so because it just gets old, but you can't let go.

Does that make sense to anyone else? And I hate when I can see it coming and I try to not obsess over that movie. But eff it. I'll turn it on anyway.

*facepalm* Slowly waning... far too slowly.

Helps when I watch other movies.

Ten Inch Hero - freakin cutest movie I've seen in a very long time. The nudity seemed a little random to me, but the movie was hilarious, and sweet, and adorable, and quite obviously predictable, but still so freakin' awesome. I've hit my chick flick for the month. :) Heh... and I love that Clea DuVall's character is named Jen. Thank you for voicing all of my internal thoughts, no matter how generically personal they may be. But it's true.

Ok, the following is just me brain dribbling. Kind of a window into what I was thinking during this part of the movie. So none of this pick-me-up comment bull unless you've seen the movie and think it's cute too. :)

I loved this line: "I didn't say I don't have a lot to offer, I said that people will never know because they don't SEE me. How many proms did you miss because no one asked you? How many times have your friends left you sitting alone at a club while they went and danced with guys? Or how many times has a customer completely ignored you to get a better look at me? So until that happens, until you're told time and time again that your place in life is in the background, don't tell me it's bullshit, because you don't know."

I went to prom (and did not have a real slow dance until my close friend's wedding three and a half years ago); I go dance at the club be it with guys or not; I keep someone's attention because when I was in that kind of job, they had to talk to me as I was the lead and had their answers. However, I know what it's like to be used to get closer to my better-looking friend. I know what it's like to be with a man who does not consider you a priority and you are simply a convenience for him. I know what it's like to not be the first choice of person to hang out with that night. I know what it's like to be the third, fourth, fifth, ninth wheel in a group because I'm chronically single.

I've got a lot of close friends that I adore and I know love me. That's not the issue. The issue is that none of that helps me pick up men. But that's ok because all of the men I've met recently (sailors in King's Bay, Georgia notwithstanding) are more than twice my age or already married.

Meh, it is what it is. The movie was adorable on all levels and of course, Jen got her man in the end (and a cute one too). For me, I'm just kicking back, watching the world around me and enjoying the show as an audience member. As long I've got a good glass of wine in hand, I'm perfectly content with that. :D

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God's laughing at me again

Aug. 30th, 2010 | 09:06 pm

I'm at the gym at work today (because I work on a military base and we have free workout facilities... no excuses now). There's this guy I've been checking out for a couple of weeks now. Granted, I'll never talk to him because I'm lame, but he's a cutie and unexpectedly strong. I say that because I've watched him lift weights and he certainly wouldn't be someone you meet on the street and know he could free weight shoulder press at least 50 lbs in each hand.

Anyway, he's about 5'7"? 5'8"? He's not a tall guy. Glasses, average (filled out, but not big), etc. He looks a lot like Mark, just shorter. I know that's part of the reason I've been checking him out. I think my ex is very attractive, hence this guy is too.

Someone he knows walks in to the gym today and says hi to him. He promptly responds.

His name is Mark.

I'm in the middle of a chest press and stop dead halfway through it. Outloud, I'm like, Really? Then I go back to finishing my reps. Doubt he's ever noticed me even if there's only a handful of people at this gym. I find it both amusing and exasperating that this cute guy who looks like my ex shares a name. But it is what it is. :)

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Aug. 8th, 2010 | 02:23 pm

I was approached at church today by our worship leader and asked to step back in and return as head of our audio team. There would be no weeknights involved like before, there is a rotating team and I would only work the service once a month, and my main role would be supervisory. I would be responsible for monitoring the schedule, designating tasks when things pop up, ensuring training actually happens, heading up a couple of projects coming up since we're in the chapel permanently...

I really got to pray about this. I burned out of the job after 5 years, but almost everything that burned me out is not part of the gig anymore. I'm sure I could work with Diane more comfortably this time around since she's been learning more about the sound system and now understands better what we can and cannot do. Yeah, I really need God to smack me in one direction or the other on this.

Diane said she really needed someone who knew the system, the church, and how to work with people. I guess part of the major issues with this team thing the last couple of years has been that there is no one to confront others on mistakes or laziness or theft (yes, theft). So part of why Diane wants me back as head is that I have no problem walking up to someone and saying, "That sucked. What happened and why'd you let it happen?"

I just don't know. I was head for five years. Got a new digital recording system in place (and a computer to make that happen), trained a couple of awesome assistants, worked to rewire the system in the main building, and used funds to purchase much-needed mics for our type of service - our layout requires creativity. I come back to find out that a new wireless system had been purchased because the old one had dead zones. Umm... the 'old one' is a wireless system I purchased in my time as head and there were no dead zones in the sanctuary before I stepped down three years ago. I haven't had a chance to really look into it, but I guess the new purchase also had dead zones. It could be any number of things - monitor interference, antenna issues, battery connection, board connection, anything. It frustrates me to know none of this was checked before they up and bought a new wireless. But again, they have no head currently, so I don't know whose decision it was to purchase new system.

I just don't know. I really did enjoy doing audio when I wasn't pissed off at Diane. It was a lot of work back then though; involved some really long hours that are apparently no longer part of the equation. I already told one of the guys that I would definitely assist in installing a new snake and the bigger mix board in the chapel (I think he said there was some rewiring involved too, but I'm not sure). I just don't know if I want to step back in as the head of this chaos. If I do, there are going to be some ground rules that I'm not sure others will want to play by. Am I really wanting to get back into that fight?

This is going to be a long week of prayer for sure...

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(no subject)

Jun. 24th, 2010 | 02:54 pm

Mark is responding to emails and even initiated one to me with a link he knew I would like. This is good. Maybe I'm finally getting my friend back...

And I've just discovered that I may not start work until the first or second week of August. Oh man, that's going to hurt financially and I need to talk to Dad at some point soon.

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What I want:

Jun. 21st, 2010 | 01:49 pm

Josh: "So who went with you to the ballet?"
Amy: "This guy I've been seeing."
Josh: "And he likes the ballet."
Amy: "He likes me."

That about sums it up. The West Wing about sums up everything I believe in life, love, and happiness. Oh show, why did you get all weird your last three seasons? Wait, I know why - Sorkin left. Oh Sorkin, why did you leave and let this show flounder a bit until it ended?

Oh Hannah, why aren't you still alive since you were the only person I could discuss the show with? :P

And seriously, I'm convinced The West Wing in reverse is our current administration. Start with S6-7 and go backwards and you'll find the issues. The 'brown' candidate, the oil spill, health care reform, etc. It's rather creepy.

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